Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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