her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
thus making me awesome and them whores
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize