Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
