peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
