Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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