oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
