does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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