I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
