I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
kristin has been a bad kristin
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She has the best kind of daddy issues
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
