so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
