AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
