Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
