I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
