his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
people are starting to question the shark bite story
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
