Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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