Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
