I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We talked him into tasing himself.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
