my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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