too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
