toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
