if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize