Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
