he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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