I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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