sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
