i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize