I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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