He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
