it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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