I feel like abortions should bother me more
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
