i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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