Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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