i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
