he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i wish my penis had a tongue
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
