Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
