Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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