Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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