Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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