i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
