So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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