Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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