I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
whose parrot is this?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
jump out the window naked night went bad
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