I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I love you. Go after that dick
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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