If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
