forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
