We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
