please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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