Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
