i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
