so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
