OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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