i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dick very happy bro
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
