so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
