let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
