And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
