Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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