she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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