There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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