Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
