I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
