Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just want nice things and good sex
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
