im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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