Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Barsexuality is the new black.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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