I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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