The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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