I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
