so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
