Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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