I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
