If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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