The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sorry about my life...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
