you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize