How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
