Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize