Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
