a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
