my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
