At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
