Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The air was thick with penises
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
