she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
