he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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