I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
