Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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