Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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