you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize