He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
